


You don't gotta put a ring on it (the five stages of a good proposal and the two stages of receiving some bad ones)

by Santaanawinds



Series: I love you to the moon, and sun, and stars [1]
Category: Bandom, Panic! at the Disco
Genre: F/F, F/M, M/M, Marriage Proposal, Multi, Polyamory, Romance, Secret Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-21
Updated: 2017-08-21
Packaged: 2018-12-18 02:09:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,229
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11864439
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Santaanawinds/pseuds/Santaanawinds
Summary: This band has a secret that no one else knows. Zack Cloud Hall, Lifetime Member of the Bachelor's Club, is in love. In fact, with his partners, he was the happiest he'd ever been. So how did something so good, suddenly turn so bad?Polyfic inspired by Big Love (HBO) but not an AU.





	You don't gotta put a ring on it (the five stages of a good proposal and the two stages of receiving some bad ones)

Zack's in love with four people, and it doesn't help that he's so much older and they're famous and married to each other. It doesn't help that he works for one of them and the lines can get a little bit blurred. The first love crept up slowly on him, taking years to wear him down.

Brendon he just loves. He knew he wanted that heart and soul (and maybe body) to be his. Then he felt like a dirty old man because Brendon was so much younger...it'd never happen anyway. Spencer got seriously fed up and cornered him one day when Brendon was 23. 'Go make your move already, for God’s sake. I couldn’t care less if you two are into each other, but watching you pine is just pathetic. You obviously love each other, so do something about it.'

Sarah makes him feel protected, all of him, even with all the muscle and intimidation and his job as a bodyguard for her boyfriend. He'd talked to Brendon about her one day 'Yeah,' he'd said 'why do you think I love her so much? It's kind of maternal and sexy all at once.’ Being Brendon, he had to add, ‘But not like a MILF though.'

Spencer. Spencer is both his buddy and, well it’s hard to pin point exactly when they became more. Maybe around the time Spence started seeing Linda. They don't need to be physical to know they love each other, but he thinks sometimes he'd like to kiss him, get that smile he reserves for the girls when their lips brush his.  
'Zack, why don't you just ask him?' He told Linda he couldn't. He loved Spencer, he didn't want to wreck this by asking too much.

Linda makes him want to protect. She's so small and her eyes so wide, he feels sometimes like he might break her, he's always so careful, especially when they're alone, like she’s this precious thing that needs protecting. He's maybe a little too protective sometimes, and at first he didn't understand where it was coming from. Then he realized what he felt for her while talking to Sarah at the tour wrap party for Vices. 'Dude, I'm pretty sure you're in love with her. That's how I felt about you’. He wasn’t surprised to find she was right.

Sometimes, he thinks he’d like to shout it from the rooftops, show the world how he feels.

One time, no, twice, they offered that to him. You know what they say, right? The third time’s a charm.

The Two Stages of Receiving Some Bad Proposals:

Stage One: Receive (and Reject) The Proposals.

Spencer and Linda were first. Total romantics, they bought him a ring and asked him to wear it as a symbol of their love, knowing they couldn't actually marry him in the eyes of the law. He stuttered out a response. He couldn't do it to Brendon and Sarah. They were really sweet and understanding, saying 'It was just a thought, it's ok. We can forget about it. Things are perfect the way they are.' They hid their disappointment well.

Then Brendon and Sarah proposed too. He was over at their house, flopped down on the couch, when Brendon sat at the piano and sang him a song. He had tears rolling by the end of it, and then Sarah opened the ring box and they asked him to be theirs. 'Th-thank you, but I can't. I can't just be yours, Spencer and Linda, I'.  
‘It’s just a thing, right? Weighs you down and occupies your finger?' Brendon and he often swapped young veins references, but Brendon had never made light of marriage before. Zack knew this was how B tried to cover up his feelings.

Stage 2: Freak Out and Avoid Your Partners, Hoping Not to Get Dumped.

They cuddled close that night, trying to force 'normal', and in the morning, he kissed them both and left.

Sarah and Brendon called Spencer and Linda, afraid they'd really screwed things up.  
'We proposed to Zack and now we wrecked everything.' Sarah cried as she put her phone on speaker.  
'Slow down, what happened?' Linda asked, ever the calm one in a crisis.  
'We gave him a ring and asked him to be ours.' Sarah said. 'He said 'thank you, but I can't'.'  
'He kissed us before he left, but it was so cold.' B sounded wrecked.  
'That might be our fault. We proposed to him too.' Spencer started. ‘And now he won’t answer our calls.’  
Oh.  
'We were worried that with all the marriage in this relationship, he might feel like an outsider. We wanted to remind him that he’s as important as anyone.' Linda explained.  
'That's why we proposed. What did he say to you?' Sarah asked.  
'That he couldn't do it. He couldn't wear a symbol of our love without you.' Linda said.  
'He looked so torn up. We need to fix this.' Brendon said, more determined than he'd been since his band split in half and he had so much to prove.  
'I think the problem was making him think he had to choose when he can have us all. He CAN still have us all, right?' Spencer had some good points. A chorus of 'Nothing's changed', and 'Hell yes!' and 'We did it because we love him, so obviously' responded, and then Brendon spoke up.  
'I have an idea. I think I know how we can fix things.' So they talked and talked, and then Spencer and Brendon started enacting the plan.

The Five Stages of a Good Proposal:

Stage 1: Return the Rings.

They took off their wedding bands before stepping into the jewelry stores where each 'engagement' ring was bought. "I was here the other day. You said you guys do refunds if they say no?" The older lady behind the counter tutted and sighed 'Oh, you poor thing. You'll find the right girl someday, and she'll say yes at the drop of a hat.' Spencer tried to look heartbroken and sad as she handed over the cash and returned the ring to the cabinet.

Brendon, at first has less luck. His jeweler is not as sympathetic. Ever the showman, he takes the stage.  
‘So, I asked him to marry me, now that it's actually legal, and our love is finally equal. Because, you know, he's the love of my life, and I wrote him a song and everything, and I asked him to spend the rest of his life as my husband, he was crying and he said, he said 'I love you' but he didn't take the ring.’ Brendon starts crying in the middle of the store. It's not all a show, he really did feel awful and rejected when Zack said 'no', even if he understands why now.  
‘How can he say he loves me if he won’t marry me? We’ve been together for so long. I thought it’d be forever.’ The very obviously uncomfortable, straight, male salesman puts his refund through immediately and hands Brendon a box of Kleenex. He takes a couple and pretends to blow his nose.  
Success.

Stage 2: Make Sure You Haven’t Scared Him Off.

Linda and Sarah were going to start things off by going over to Zack’s with some supplies and their cutest outfits. Sarah dressed up, playing on the ‘maternal but sexy’ thing and Linda dressed to look younger and smaller than even normal. They were totally manipulating him by using the attributes he found most attractive. They were ok with that.

He opened the door slowly, kind of annoyed that someone had disturbed his bath. He wanted to relax, and soak in his own misery for a while. One proposal had been bad enough to reject, but now there were two and his refusal to accept either of them could make him lose them all. It’s…the girls? Were they here as the wives of Brendon and Spencer, or his girlfriends? Ugh, that term was so high school.

‘Uh, hi.’  
‘Hey Zack.’ They chimed.  
‘Uhm, not to be blunt, but what are you doing here?’ He tucked his towel a little tighter around his waist. ‘I’m taking a bath.’  
‘We wanted to hang out with you. It occurred to us that you hang out with just the guys all the time, and we wanted to know what we were missing out on,’ Linda said, ‘We never get to do this.’  
‘Also, they’re off doing some boring guy thing.’ Sarah “confessed”.  
‘Oh, ok, well I’m going to go get dressed. Come on in.’ He stood aside and held the door for them. He blew out his candles and drained the bath before tugging on some sweatpants and an old band t-shirt with most of the logo worn off.  
‘We’ve got DVD’s and ice cream. Mint chocolate chip and cookie dough.’ Linda said slipping one into the DVD player as Sarah raided his kitchen for clean spoons.  
‘Also, nilla wafers and chips. Hope you’re hungry.’ Sarah came back from the kitchen and handed him a spoon. They spent most of the day eating their way through Pitch Perfect, and then cuddling up with fingers in hair and gentle caresses, pretending not to notice Zack tearing up through Pitch Perfect 2.

When Zack got up to go to the bathroom after the credits rolled, Linda texted Brendon because Spencer had shattered his phone yesterday playing with Penny Lane “On to stage three. We’ll let you know.”

Stage 3: Show Him Love.  
Sarah grabbed her and pulled her onto her lap, cuddling up and nuzzling each other’s face. Hands roamed underneath shirts and they were sharing a breath, lost in each other and lips barely touching when Zack returned.  
‘This is new.’ They pulled away slightly. ‘I didn’t say it wasn’t totally hot. Don’t stop on my account.’ They did not. They leaned in, Linda winding her fingers into Sarah’s hair and they kissed, open mouthed and slow, but full of attraction and passion none the less.  
‘So, when did this start?’  
‘Like you said, it’s new. We wanted to try it out.’ Linda said.  
‘Yeah, have you LOOKED at her? I just kind of recently noticed how attracted I am to her.’ Sarah returned to Linda’s mouth and then made her way along her jaw to behind her ear and down her neck, slowly, slowly.  
‘So, would you be wanting in on this, or would you rather we stopped acting like a couple of horny kids in your living room? Because we can totally stop.’ Linda offered, as though it were even a choice.  
‘You don’t want your first time to be something for you two? You know, like private and special and shit?’ Stop talking, Hall. You’re going to blow this for yourself.  
‘Oh, it’s not our first time.’ Linda threw her head back as Sarah started sucking on that spot on her collarbone and moaned just a little. ‘Baby don’t mark me. Wedding this weekend. Strapless.’ She moaned again and Sarah pulled back and looked at Zack.  
‘Yeah, that ship’s already sailed.’ Sarah quipped, turning back to Linda, ‘Sorry babe. Couldn’t resist.’ They resumed kissing and it took Zack all of 0.01 seconds to make up his mind.  
‘Yeah, I want in.’  
‘Good, because she does this thing with her tongue…’ Linda’s vague details, this view, and his imagination already had him in the mood.

So they went to bed and spent the next hour or two flipping between a focus on each other and a focus on him, worshipping every inch of his body, playing rough, playing gentle, saying ‘I love you’, ‘I need you’, ‘I want you’, and a million other things without using any words. When they mark him where no-one else will see, they’re saying ‘ours’, ‘forever’, ‘always’. He thinks he likes this conversation.

At some point Sarah “goes to the bathroom” and texts the guys. They’re not far away and come over pretty quickly. Zack’s kind of bugged about getting out of bed with these two gorgeous women but answers the door anyway, his sweatpants hanging low on his hips.  
‘Hi ther-oh, it’s you.’  
‘Thanks for the enthusiasm.’ Brendon bites, but he pulls a face to prove he’s kidding.  
‘I don’t have the energy for enthusiasm. I’ve been in the bedroom.’  
‘The bedroom? It’s 4 ‘oclo-oh, that’s what you got up to with the girls.’ Spencer said.  
‘You knew they were here.’ It’s not an accusation or a question.  
‘Sarah texted. So, can we come in? Sounds like fun.’ Brendon is grinning from ear to ear, and Spencer’s no better. He again stands aside and holds the door for his lovers, brushing Brendon’s lips with his own and clapping Spencer on the back as they enter and all make their way into the bedroom.

The girls are sitting up, hair tied back and the sheet pulled up to their chests, waiting patiently with a glint in their eye and Linda cuddling into Sarah’s side.  
‘Look who the cat dragged in.’ Zack joked before turning to face them.  
‘Are you coming or what?’ he kicks out of the sweatpants and climbs back in, never so thankful for his California king as he is now. Brendon wastes no time stripping off and follows Zack into the sheets, Spencer hesitating for just a second before climbing in on the girl’s side, pecking them both hello. They pass the kiss between themselves and it lasts a lot longer than expected before Linda passes it on to Zack, and Zack to Brendon, who blows it back to Spencer with a smile.  
‘So, is this a thing now? You two together?’ Spencer can’t lie; he’s very curious.  
‘Sort of…yeah. We were curious, so we tried it out last weekend while you guys were out having fun. We sort of really liked it too.’ Sarah smiles.  
‘We’ve never had rules about who can do what with who between the five of us before. Are you upset we didn’t ask you guys first?’ Linda’s not usually one for insecurity.  
‘What? No, it’s hot. And I mean, everyone else here is already involved. It’s not exactly life-changing. What did Zack say? Zack, what did you say?’ Brendon is actually a little bit curious. Linda’s not one to worry.  
‘’Don’t stop on my account.’ They were making out on my couch.’  
‘No one cares that you’re both chicks, if that’s what you mean. I mean, look at me and Zack. We can’t really talk, can we?’ As if to prove his point, Brendon puts a hand on Zack’s chest and kisses him softly, smiling into it.  
‘I just wanted to know if we’re going to get to see more of that,’ Spencer explained. ‘and I never really thought about it before, but you two kind of ‘go’, you know? Not just because you’re both hot when you’re naked and kissing.’  
‘So you’re not mad?’  
‘No, of course not, baby.’ Zack answered for all three of them and pulled her close, kissing her forehead and tucking her under his chin. Sarah strokes her hair for a minute.  
‘We could show you we’re not mad.’ Spencer suggests. Linda nods and quite soon there’s a lot of things happening in what’s kind of a small space for it. They’ve never all done this together before.

They’re all lying there, hot, sweaty and just plain done, and Zack thinks he’s way too old for this kind of thing; going for hours at a time with his partners when until this morning, he was damn sure they were all going to dump him. Now he’s just kind of confused, but knows better than to question it.

Brendon is a puddle on the mattress right now, and Sarah and Linda? Well, they can go multiple rounds, but really, this was over achieving-Linda was already sleeping through work tomorrow.

Spencer was buzzing, and not in the good way. There was a time not that long ago when after sex he’d drink or take something just to make the feeling last, and sure, he’s been clean for a while now, sober too, but he’s only human, and sometimes he still wants. That evening, he and Brendon and Sarah would go for a drive to get milkshakes, something to distract Spence from that longing for a drink. He decided to hit up a meeting after a pep talk from the couple (his couple) and Zach started tidying up around the apartment while they were gone.

He’d barely sat down on the couch before there was a knock at the door. ‘That’s it,’ he said as he opened the door to let them in, ‘I’m getting you all a key.’ They sat down to eat, and quickly got to serious conversation.  
‘Spencer? Are you okay? How was the meeting?’ Linda was both concerned and not worried at all. Spencer was so strong.  
‘The meeting helped. I feel a little better now. Like, I still want a drink, but it’s manageable. I’m doing okay.’  
‘That’s good. I’m proud of you.’ Zack rested a hand on Spencer’s shoulder for a minute, earning him a warm smile.  
‘How was your evening in with our girlfriend?’ A shit-eating grin made its way across Spence’s face.  
‘Dude, did you just make a Fall Out Boy reference?’ Brendon punched his shoulder playfully.  
‘She’s your wife, asshole!’ Sarah was only kidding as she reached up from her seat on the rug to slap his knee with the back of her hand. Meanwhile, actual tears were forming in Zack’s eyes from laughing so hard at such a terrible joke, and Linda was the only one trying to respond for real.  
‘Uh, it was pretty good. We snuggled, and then plotted your deaths for using up all the hot water.’  
‘It’s always the quiet ones.’ Sarah shakes her head.

Linda takes out her phone and quickly texts Brendon, with the first line saying ‘Don’t read out loud, show this to Spence’ telling them that she had work in the morning and it wasn’t exactly early as it was; if they were going to do this tonight, they would have to make it soon. Spence reads it and nudges Brendon to start.

Stage 4: A Decent Proposal.

‘I think we all royally fucked up.’ Brendon starts oh-so-eloquently, ‘Except Zack, obviously, who ended up in the middle.’  
‘Yeah, the whole proposal thing was a really bad idea and I think I speak for all of us when I say I really wish we hadn’t done that.’ Sarah chimes in. Zack’s heart is in his throat and his stomach drops. Is this how they’re going to leave him?  
‘Guys, I-‘ He doesn’t know what to say, so he lets the words die on his lips.  
‘It’s such a mess. We really should have talked to each other first so we could talk each other out of it.’ Linda adds. Spencer jumps in then.  
‘Because the last thing any of us wanted was to make you think you had to choose between us, when you don’t.’ Are they going to choose for him? He’s really not sure what to think here, what to say.  
‘I do-I don’t understand. Are you guys leaving me? Are you ALL leaving? Because I couldn’t say yes?’ Losing one of them would hurt. Losing two of them would leave a gaping hole. Losing all of them would fuck him up irreparably. He struggled to keep the panic from his voice.

‘No, no one’s leaving you.’ Sarah soothed.  
‘And if we are, no one told me.’ Linda dead panned. So they might be? Spencer saw the look on Zack’s face and raced to reassure him.  
‘She’s kidding! She’s kidding. No one’s going anywhere.’  
‘Not if you don’t want us to. You don’t, do you?’ Now, Brendon was the worried one.  
‘What? No, I love you guys. Does that not show? Of course I don’t fucking want that.’ In fact if they weren’t so well known, he’d suggest buying a house together for the five of them, Bogart, and Penny Lane.

‘Good. Because we have something we want to ask you.’ As always, Spencer the Drummer, keeping them on track and in time.  
‘And not like last time, like two halves instead of a whole.’ Sarah shakes her head.  
‘It’s alright if you want to say no. We’ll all still want to be with you and we can pretend this never happened.’ Linda prefaced.  
‘But?’ He couldn’t help but cut straight to the chase.  
‘No buts. We were just hoping that maybe you’d want to be ours. Like, all of ours, and wear this to prove it.’ Brendon tried to go for casual and ended up sounding as nervous as they all felt.

Sometime between stage 1 and 2, all four of them had gone shopping for a ring. It was a simple wedding band, gold just like theirs. Each of them had taken off their wedding rings and laid them in a line. If not for size, you couldn’t tell any of them apart. He fumbled with the box, not unlike when he’d proposed to Sarah.  
‘What does it mean?’ Zack asked.  
‘It means that we belong to you, and you belong to us. We belong to each other. Always.’ Sarah said.  
‘We want you to know we love you the same. Even if we can’t legally marry you.’ Spencer had not planned out what he wanted to say.  
‘That’s why it matches all our rings. Your love is as important as ours. The papers we have don’t change that.’ Linda kind of had to go with it, abandoning the way she’d been planning on saying stuff.  
‘It’s a symbol of our love for you. You mean the world to us, all of us, and-would you wear it?’ Zack let Brendon’s question hang in the air for a second, literally just a second, but it was long enough for the four of them to think please let him wear the ring. Please let this be the right thing to do.

‘Yes, yes, of course I will. Fuck,’ he breathed that last part, and he swears to God he’s not crying right now. Those aren’t tears in his eyes. He takes the ring from the box and slips it on. It’s a perfect fit. He doesn’t know who to kiss first. Brendon lunges forward and solves that problem for him.  
There’s a long hug, (during which Brendon mumbles ‘I love you’ over his shoulder) and a peck, and he tells Brendon ‘I love you’, and then Sarah’s in his lap, her arms around his neck long enough to kiss him opened mouthed. He tucks a strand of hair behind her ear.  
‘I love you.’  
‘I love you, too.’ She whispers it like a beautiful secret.  
Linda leans in and says ‘I love you’ before he can get the words out. He settles his hands on her waist for a second and kisses her slowly before he speaks, ignoring the way her cheeks color as he says ‘I love you’ right back. He turns to Spencer, expecting a hug, and is pleasantly surprised when he’s kissed softly. They lean back and say ‘I love you’ at exactly the same time. Spencer’s smile is radiant, and Zack is sure his matches perfectly. That’s ‘the smile’ reserved for people he’s willing to kiss. Right now, Zack feels like he’s on top of the fucking world.

Stage 5: Celebrate. Unfortunately, there was no way that was happening tonight. Linda really did have to work in the morning, so they decided on Friday night. They’d have a BBQ with their friends in the know (Kenny and Victoria, Dallon and Breezy, Dan) and Zack couldn’t wait to brag to someone about his partners and how much he loves them…God, when did he turn into a girl? Then he thinks that’s a ridiculous, sexist thought. Men brag about their partners all the time. Or at least Spence and Brendon do, and he’s seen the way Dallon talks about Breezy online. Part of him wishes he could do that, but then he thinks that he likes the fans and paps not being all up in their business. Plus, there’s no shitty fan fiction and fan art about them on the web. He would know; he’s checked.

They take the next weekend instead (damn Linda’s cousin’s wedding) and spend it together like a honeymoon, because none of them have to work. They plan said BBQ for the weekend after that, when it’ll still be hot and sunny.

***

Dallon’s taken over the grilling for a while and looks up as Zack grabs another carton of drinks out of the fridge and throw them in the paddling pool full of ice. He gives Zack a very serious look.  
‘Your husband’s crazy.’  
‘Which one?’ Dallon turns to see Spencer following Brendon up the ladder to the roof.  
‘Both of ‘em.’  
‘We know.’ Sarah and Linda chime as the men themselves jump in.  
‘Can’t argue with that. No, really, I can’t argue with them. They could both withhold sex forever. Can’t risk it.’ Dallon grins, shaking his head and goes back to cooking.  
‘There’s always me, honey.’ Brendon jokes as he climbs out of the pool and walks over to drip all over Zack, plant a big one on him, and get the first grub off the grill.  
‘Yeah, but I have bigger boobs than you.’ Zack argues. ‘That totally doesn’t count.’  
‘You’re worse than Knox.’ Dallon says, pointing the tongs at Brendon.  
‘And you…’ he shakes his head at Zack.

‘What did I miss?’ Kenny asks, coming back outside from calling the babysitter ‘just to check’.  
‘Brendon. I was just about to ask them all how they put up with him.’ Dallon winks.  
‘We don’t. We keep a babysitting schedule and take turns. Like tomorrow, it’s Spencer’s turn while me and Sarah go shopping.’ Linda jokes, before turning back to Breezy, Victoria, and Sarah’s conversation.  
‘Yeah. That’s pretty much how it works.’ Spencer says, grabbing a soda from the paddling pool. ‘Happy wives, happy life.’ He sets his can down by the grill.  
‘Damn right.’ Zack agrees, watching them squeal and laugh as they get wet from Spencer’s cannonball into the pool. ‘Beautiful, aren’t they?’  
‘I’ve got some bad news for you, man, you’re in love.’ Dallon tells him.  
‘Nah, man, he’s whipped.’ Kenny jokes. Zack takes back over the grilling and Sarah comes over to help.

‘Ignore them. They don’t get it. They don’t have three amazing husbands to go home to with their wives.’ She kisses him sweetly.  
‘Yeah,’ he breaks the kiss. ‘They don’t know what they’re missing out on with just the one wife. Clearly, two is the way to go.’ Sarah’s walking him just a little bit backwards, ‘More boobs.’ She distracts him with another kiss and pushes him into the pool with a smile. They all watch him flail for a moment before landing with a splash, and laugh their asses off with him once he resurfaces.  
‘Happy wives, happy life.’ Kenny teases.  
‘Damn right.’ Brendon says in an almost perfect impersonation of Zack.  
‘I’ve heard of becoming your partner after time, but that’s just terrifying.’ Dallon laughs.

‘Has he always been this way, or am I just starting to notice now?’ Victoria asks a fair question.  
‘Nah, B’s always been this way,’ Spencer says. ‘But if you’re talking about Zack…’  
‘What?’ There’s clearly something Kenny’s missing.  
‘No one’s told him that story? Kenny, hon, you’re missing out. It’s hilarious.’ Breezy tells him.  
‘Which one?’ Dallon asks her. ‘The one about the angry, old bodyguard and his little crush on sweet, young Brendon here?’ He’s teasing. He wouldn’t. He’s not going to tell the last guy in the band who doesn’t know that story.  
‘That’s the one!’ Linda says, having heard it a thousand times before. Victoria gets up from her seat to give Sarah a hand finishing lunch, and listens with a keen ear.

Brendon’s waiting for the grub (again), Breezy and Linda are grinning ear to ear, Spencer’s is shaking his head, and Zack’s red in the face, leaning on the edge of the pool with his arms crossed (trying to bury his face in them) as he listens to whatever exaggerated version of the truth they’re about to share.  
‘Wait, wait wait. Dan’s late. I don’t think he’s heard it either.’ Kenny stops them. Zack is grateful for the reprieve, until, of course, the doorbell rings, and Linda goes to let him in, a mischievous grin on her face.

‘Come on in, you were just about to miss story time.’  
‘Story time? Did they bring the kids?’ Brendon had been known to tell them stories with wildly over-acted characters. Dallon and Breezy’s kids loved it.  
‘Nope. You’re gonna love this.’ She puts a hand on Dan’s shoulder, a drink in his hand, and rushes him to the backyard.  
‘Hey guys.’  
‘Hey.’ They chorus.  
‘What’s wrong with Zack?’ He’s face down, blowing bubbles in the pool, like a little kid being taught to swim.  
‘He’s the story Dallon was about to tell.’ Victoria answers.  
‘Do go on.’ Dan encourages, his interest more than piqued.

‘Ok, so, the other guys had just left, and I’d rocked up to Brendon’s house to audition. I didn’t know any of the songs, so they told me to get lost and come back if I ever learned the material.’ Victoria, Kenny, and Dan just nodded. They’d all heard this part before.  
‘So, I come back the next day, having learned the songs, and I kill the audition. As they should be, Spencer and Brendon were just falling at my feet.’  
‘Pfft. Yeah , right.’ Spencer bites, cuddling up to Linda on a pool lounge.  
‘You wish, Weekes.’ Brendon calls.

‘But the whole time,’ the bassist continues, ‘the whole time, this guy, this scary guy whose name I’m too intimidated to remember, is like, glaring at me like he thinks I might stab them or something, and it’s only getting worse when I shake the guys hands and clap ‘em on the back, all ‘thanks for having me, it’s been an honor to audition’. And then I realize, it’s only when I’m touching Brendon, or interacting with Brendon, or this one time Brendon smiled at me and I thought Zack was actually going to stab me.’ Dallon jibes good-naturedly.

‘Then it hits me. This guy is Brendon’s boyfriend. No wonder he doesn’t like me touching him. And I just know that there’s no way I’m getting the job if the boss’ boyfriend hates me. So I go up to Zack when Spence and Brendon leave the room, and I introduce myself, like ‘Hi, I’m Dallon, nice to meet you.’ Of course, being ‘Zack the angry bodyguard’ he just kind of grunts at me. Fair enough, I’m one in 100, why should he give a rats who I am until I’ve got the job? But, like, I’m desperate here, I’m gonna have to give up music and go get a real job if this doesn’t work out.’

‘So, I rush out, as fast as possible, ‘I’ve got a wife and a kid. I swear I wasn’t hitting on your boyfriend’. He just laughs. He stands there, and he laughs his ass off at me.’ Everyone in the know starts laughing and Sarah calls lunch, so they clamber over to the grill to line up.  
Meanwhile, Kenny, Dan, and Victoria are the personifications of ‘confused’.  
‘But you are his boyfriend.’ Dan says.  
‘Yeah, but he wasn’t then. I wasn’t even his girlfriend yet.’ Sarah says as she serves him a plate.  
‘Right, so, Spence and Brendon come back, and they’re like, ‘what’s so funny?’ And Zack’s all ‘He thinks I’m your boyfriend, Brendon.’ And Brendon’s all ‘He’s not my boyfriend, he’s my body guard.’ And Spence is all ‘Hey’,’ Dallon started to whisper, ‘’We don’t joke about that’. Which, I didn’t get at first, but it only took a few days to see why. Turns out, whenever the other wasn’t looking, these two’ he gestures between them both, ’were all moony-eyed over each other. They were so in love, it made me sick. Think of how Zack looks right now, and times that by a hundred. Not even close. It was almost pathetic.’

‘Hey, I’m the one who had to hear about it. ‘Breezy, they’re so in love, but they’re too gutless to do anything about it’, so I told him ‘Why don’t you lock them in a closet?’.’  
‘But I asked Spencer about it and he said it’s not worth my life to try to get these two together. So Ian and I just sort of learned to live with it the way Spencer did.’  
‘He’s not exaggerating,’ Spencer said, ‘it really was that sad.’ Brendon’s blushing along with Zack now.  
‘It turns out, that Brendon liked to hide his feelings by pissing off Zack, and Zack tried to hide it with the ‘Angry Bodyguard’ shtick, which only got worse when Brendon started seeing Sarah more seriously, and wrote her that song. So they were both feeding into the same load of bull to cover up the identical feelings they had for each other.’ Kenny, Dan, and Victoria are smiling and nodding like they could believe that.

‘After a few months of this, though, Ian and I were just desperate. Remember, we weren’t as accustomed to all the love as Spencer was. So we go to him, and we beg him to do something, anything. Just make it stop. So that’s when he goes up to Zack one day, it’s in the last couple days of recording, and he says,’  
‘Go make your move already, for God’s sake. I couldn’t care less if you two are into each other, but watching you pine is just pathetic. You two obviously love each other, so do something about it.' Spencer fills in. ‘I mean, I might have been a little angry because I was totally done for with both of them and yet neither of them seemed to know I was alive…’ he confessed, rubbing his neck, ‘but in my defense, that worked.’

‘So Zack grabs Brendon by the scruff of the neck, marches him out of the studio, and all’s well that ends with four husbands and wives.’  
‘I mean, you left out the part where Zack turned into a marshmallow overnight, but you got all the important stuff.’ Brendon says.  
‘Zack’s always been a marshmallow!’ Kenny argues.  
‘Nah, you’re just too small to be mean to.’ Zack teases. They all laugh at the face Kenny pulls before turning back to his lunch.  
‘So he DID used to be the scary hard-ass he pretends to be, but it was just to cover up his love. That’s adorable.’ Zack’s face again turns red and Dan decides to quit teasing while he’s ahead before he ends up in the pool fully clothed.

‘It was a beautiful transformation to behold.’ Sarah said, ‘and poor Linda here couldn’t get away from my constant talking about these ridiculous men who were totally in love and didn’t have a clue. Then they became MY ridiculous men.’  
‘At some point there, Spence scooped me up, and it all became history. Funny, I guess we’ve got you to thank for getting fed up.’ Linda muses, cuddling up to Sarah on the edge of the pool with their feet in the water.  
‘Just call me cupid.’ Dallon jokes. That nickname just might stick.

As the sun sets on their commitment celebration, Zack thinks he’d never be happier than he is in this moment. Which, of course means his ring slips off and ends up getting sucked into the pool filter as soon as it got dark.  
‘Damn it. Why’d you have to get a house with a pool?’ He complains.  
‘Because you look so good with your shirt off.’ Brendon replies, smooth as silk.  
‘I’ll second that.’ Spencer says.  
‘You did!’ Linda calls out.  
‘Third, actually.’ Sarah smirks.  
‘You guys see what I have to put up with?’ Zack asks. He’s climbed out of the pool to find a screw driver and turn off the pump.  
‘Nah-uh,’ Dan jokes, putting his hands up. ‘There’s four of them and one of you. We’re not getting involved.’

Zack is in love with four people. Sure, it doesn’t help that he’s older, and they’re famous, and they’re married to each other. It doesn’t help that he works for one of them.

Brendon, he just loves. That love took years to grow on him, but when it did, he was done. Sarah makes him feel protected, and also like a kid, busted with a dirty magazine. Spencer’s been his loving partner since…well, they’re not really sure exactly when. Linda makes him feel protective, which helps him keep his ‘Angry Bodyguard’ Shtick, though he’d do that for any of them.

Zack is in love with four people, and they’re in love with him. When he finally pulls the scratched, dented, and twisted metal from the pool filter, he thinks he doesn’t need a shiny new ring to prove it. But you bet your ass he kept it anyway. It sits on a chain under his clothes, and he’s the only one who needs to know, because the only people who matter are waiting for him at home.

FIN.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm totally ignoring the fact that Zack was married for almost a decade.


End file.
